so i haven't posted anything for a long time and i have lots to verbalize after being home with my new baby for 2 months. its been quite the experience..motherhood. i will warn you now that i will probably talk about my boobs alot from now on since most everything revolves around them now! first of all i should start by saying her name is adeline prounounced ade-lynn NOT line. just like madeline without the M.
lets start from the beginning with labor. i went in on wednesday morning at 7am to be induced. i had to go early due to my preeclampsia was getting worse. my blood pressure was a little high but mostly because of what was showing up in my urine and blood. i was 37 weeks along exactly. we got there and when they first checked me i was like 1 cm dilated...this should have been my first clue that it was going to be a very long process. next they used cytotec to help the process along..we then had the pleasure of waiting 6 long hours for it to work...lucky me. i tried to rest but who can when you are so excited that this day is finally happening. once they checked again, which i can say now is worse than actual labor. seriously there has to be a better way to do that!! anyhow i was only at 3 cm! really thats it was all i kept thinking, luckily it was enough to start pitocin plus my friend mag sulfate. contractions started after that but they weren't too bad, once i started getting more uncomfortable at like 6pm i asked for stadol, an IV pain med. that was a mistake. i don't ever take narcotics so it pretty much knocked me out and made me feel like i was out of body. kind of hard to have a baby if you are doped up so i didn't do that again. by the time i came too it was shift change for the nurses and i was having pretty hard contractions. my new nurse asked if i wanted an epidural and i was like YES! i had always kept an open mind to having one so it wasn't that big of a deal and the anesthesiologist was wonderful, she was so quick i barely knew it had happened and felt GREAT after the med was injected...seriously i highly recommend them. so basically all night periodically they would keep checking, by then i didn't care since i was numb from the waist down...did i mention that epidurals are the greatest invention ever! so finally at 5am or so we were able to start pushing. that was so exciting as i knew we were finally getting closer to meeting our baby. although by the end i was completely exhausted since it had been basically 24 hours by the start to the time she came out. but i was sooo excited to finally get to meet her. what a beautifuland perfect baby she was. luckily she had no problems, being that she was 3 weeks early. our labor/delivery room was really nice and roomy but when we transfered to our postpartum room it was like being put in a closet. luckily we only had to be in it for one night.
i mentioned my friend mag sulfate above. if you have preeclampsia they put you on this stuff to prevent possible seizures. its the worst crap ever. basically it makes you feel drunk, have hot flashes, and weak. you are not allowed out of bed and have to be on it during labor and 24 hours after delivery. which means you are now drunk feeling, can't get up and have to take care of a new baby....good combination. its difficult to get a baby out of an isolet if you can't get out of bed. i did some interesting things to get her out of it, thankfully no one else was looking and i never dropped her. i told my nurse the night baby was born to please get orders early so i could get off that crap at exactly 6:38am the next morning. if not i was going to call the doctor myself. thankfully i had a great nurse and at 6:30am they came in and shut it off!
now its time to take our baby adeline home. what a surreal experience. i got home and remember looking at her on the couch and thinking.."now what". its the weirdest thing to realize you have to take care of this person now and you have no idea what to do or when to do it. no amount of babysitting, nursing classes, or watching others with kids prepares you for this. i have told people that now i know why its best to have kids in your 20's when you are young and dumb. no one expects much out of you then like they do when you are in your 30's plus you haven't established a couples routine as much. after 10 years of it just being ira and i its been an adjustment to not be able to just leave the house whenever. its an planned event. it takes 2 hours to get ready for a 10 minute outing LOL.
breastfeeding.. i could write forever on this. first of all i had a horrible time at it in the hospital which was frustrating and caused many tears. the nurses were all a great help but the one person that should have known the most was NO help at all, in fact they made the experience worse. finally i just decided that i was just going to figure out it on my own. if baby didn't have the "perfect lip" shape i didn't care, we would just figure it out once we got home. oh and mag sulfate is no help when you are trying to breastfeed, it slows down milk coming in. i spent numerous nights/days crying but we eventually got it down, my milk came in, and i was further affirmed after we went to adelines pediatrian that first week. she was gaining weight great so we must be doing something right! i also had a friend that i'm truely indebted to for all her help with my million of phone calls on the subject since she was an expert breastfeeder! i don't care what people say breastfeeding is not a natural thing, it takes alot of work and dedication. i understand why some mom's don't do it and do not judge them for that. i just guilt myself though into feeling like i have to do it or i'm not worthy...whatever that means. maybe i feel like there is some prize at the end of it for making it through and still being sane. don't get me wrong i do enjoy it but it causes alot of stressful days. now i am happy to say we are pros at it if thats possible. i still feel milk inadequate at times but everytime she is weighed i, the "milk machine" am reminded that the "milk monster"and i are doing fine. but that doesn't stop me from thinking and wondering if she is getting enough...its a mind game i know.
that first month at home with a new baby was rough. there are so many things that people don't tell you about, or just don't admit out loud. first of all addy wouldn't sleep anywhere but on mommy. i tried the bassinet, swing, carseat, everything finally i just gave up and let her be her. still to this day she is like that but i have talked to the pediatrian and read numerous articles on the subject and some babies are just like this. which i'm fine with, i love to snuggle her and figure i have years of her life that she won't want to snuggle mommy so i'm taking advantage of it now. why force her when she's not ready and i'm not going to just let her "cry it out". besides i hate sleeping alone why would i make her do it. she's little and i love her too much to let her cry. she is relentless when i have tried. she doesn't just calm herself to sleep, the crying just gets worse.
i have come to find that other people have this issue but just don't admit it out loud since other people are so judgemental. and if one more person says she is going to be "spoiled" i may have to rip their head off. so consider this your warning.
now 2 months later, i feel like i would like a do over. i know so much more now through experience and would be much more comfortable the second time. unfortunately the first born always is the learning experiment for moms.... i'm a first born, not sure what that says about me :) maybe thats why i'm still attached to my mom!
everyday is still a learning experience, but its getting better. she is more alert now and smiles alot which makes me melt. i love to watch her sleep and think how wonderful she is, which makes me cry happy tears.i am trying not to wish time ahead too fast since i will never get this time back, but am so looking forward to the months ahead when she will become more active.
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