Well, the inevitable is now upon me...working nights. starting this sunday night i will officially be working nights here on out. prior to now i was okay with this transition but as it has gotten closer i'm not as sure as i was before. i have emailed the ladies on my floor that i will be working with for advice on sleeping, eating times, and whether to work 3 in a row or space them out. i still have 6 weeks left of orientation so i will be able to test the 3 in a row theory, but need to put in for the next schedule soon. i am trying to come to grips with how much my life will change and i think that up until now i've just pushed it aside. but now here it is staring me in the face....mocking me:)
my next dilemma is whether i will be able to play in sioux city summer band this season. i have to decide by tomorrow and i'm just not sure if i will be able to swing it so i am considering opting out this season until i get a better grasp of my schedule. right now i'm still at the mercy of my preceptor's schedule and have yet to find my place. i really hate to not play though since it's one of my few connections still to music and i love seeing everyone each week. maybe i can just sub this year. still i'm kind of bummed about the whole thing.
i still have days where i wonder if i will ever love nursing like i do music. the verdict is out still and only time will tell i guess. i have days where i feel good about things and days that i want to cry. i hate that i'm so emotional about being a nurse...its so unlike me! i hate that it makes me feel weak and incompetent some days, i'm a strong person thats always been able to take care of anything. now i just feel like.....a failure who's not good enough. i know this is not what you want to hear from your nurse but this is exactly why new nurses struggle so much that first year. its not that i'm not able to care for people, its that i don't know all the answers and get flustered when everything happens at once. who comes first when all 4-6 patients of yours have issues at the same time...and prioritizing is not that simple when they all need you NOW. as you can tell i'm a little emotional right now, as they say "this too will pass". Whatever....
